Success Should Not Cost Your Identity

Growing up, I experienced what it felt like when society quietly expected less from you.

As a child, because of my effeminate voice and mannerisms, I was sometimes called “Aperde” — a local term from my home province in the Philippines which loosely means “wasted.” Coupled with coming from a poor family, there were moments when people assumed I should simply be content with limited ambitions and limited possibilities.

Over time, I realized something important: Other people’s expectations do not define your potential.

As my career progressed and I started working across global organizations, I encountered different versions of those same assumptions.

In some environments, there were visible moments of surprise that a Filipino — an Asian professional from what many still consider a developing country — was leading global teams, workshops, or transformation initiatives. I still remember one leadership workshop involving country HR and mobility leaders where someone openly questioned: “Why is an Indio leading this workshop?” “Indio” was originally a derogatory term used during Spanish colonization in the Philippines to refer to Filipinos. That moment stayed with me not because it offended me personally, but because it reminded me how deeply leadership expectations can still be shaped by outdated assumptions around geography, language, identity, and culture.

I have also received feedback over the years suggesting that because English is not my native language — and because I occasionally interchange pronouns or communicate differently — I lacked “executive presence.” And interestingly, I have heard similar stories from many professionals across different backgrounds.

Sometimes what organizations describe as “executive presence” can unintentionally become narrowly defined around dominant cultural norms:

• how leaders should sound,

• how they should communicate,

• where they should come from,

• or what confidence is supposed to look like.

Increasingly, research is also exploring these dynamics.

Research from Coqual (formerly the Center for Talent Innovation) highlighted that multicultural professionals often experience tension between conforming to corporate leadership expectations and remaining authentic to themselves. The same research also noted that executive presence standards have historically been shaped around dominant leadership norms.

At the same time, I want to be very clear: This is not about lowering standards.

I believe deeply in:

• operational excellence,

• accountability,

• innovation,

• discipline,

• growth,

• and high performance.

But I also believe leadership potential should not be limited by outdated molds of what leaders are supposed to sound like, look like, or come from.

Over the years, I’ve realized that authentic leadership is not about becoming someone else in order to succeed.

It is about continuing to grow, maintaining high standards, and creating meaningful impact without disconnecting from who you are.

That belief became one of the foundations of Identity & Impact and the ALEX Principles:

Aspire. Lead. Empower. eXcel.

Without leaving yourself and others behind.

Over the coming weeks, I’ll continue sharing reflections around leadership, growth, operational excellence, innovation, identity, and humanity in a rapidly changing world.

If that resonates with you, join the Circle.